After saying goodbye to my sister, Emily, back in June...I cried the WHOLE way home....from the airport in Anchorage to our house in Palmer. YES, I CRIED THE WHOLE WAY HOME. Cole and I had a nice little discussion about how hard this transition had been for me...about how for him it was easy...he wasn't tied down so much to family in S. Oregon...he didn't really care if we stayed or went...he had a job to go to every day and was talking with new people everyday...For me, I was stuck at home with two boys in a town I had never been to and had no idea how to get around in. I didn't have friends and wasn't feeling it at church and was generally unhappy.
The Question of the last two weeks is...when did it change?
I bought my tickets to go back to Oregon in November for the birth of my sisters first baby. She announced her pregnancy two weeks before I was leaving Oregon....it made me so sad to know that I was going to miss this huge milestone in her life...I called Cole only minutes after her announcements to inform him that I would be returning to Oregon in November to be there for my sister...11/11/11 is her due date. I am so excited to go home and to see all of my family and friends...I am going to run a race with my dad and I am going to have girls night with my best friend and I am going to go to my home ward and see all of my family and friends there...I am going to spend as much time with my mom as possible...I am going to visit with my mother-in-law as much as possible...I am going to watch Cameron play so hard every day that he crashes before bedtime every night. I am going to visit with some good friends about homeschooling and sewing and knitting and I am going to take Cameron on a lunch date with his friend Crystal and I am going to go visit the YW I used to work with and I am going to sit and visit with my father-in-law and I am going to milk the cow and I an going to visit with my sisters and my sister-in-law and play with my nephews and see my step mom and brother and sister and spend time with my step dad and visit our friends and have thanksgiving with my family and go through a few more boxes that are there waiting for me and I am going to bring home canned peaches and I am going to bring home my Christmas decorations and we are going to celebrate Camerons 5th birthday....It's going to be a busy 3 weeks!!!!
BUT, I am not so excited that it's all I think about....in fact....What I think about is how much I am going to miss Cole while I am gone and about how many days of school Cameron is going to miss. I think about how I am trying so hard to train for the race I am running with my dad and about the kids day to day routines! Don't get me wrong...I am excited to visit my family...but I am happy where I am. It will be nice to travel and go back to what I know...but I will be ready to come HOME when I leave Oregon.
And you know what?
I feel blessed to feel this way. I am not homesick. I am not overcome with sadness and grief about not having family close...I am managing and I am dealing. I am doing the very best I know how. I am reaching out to others. I am doing my visiting teaching. I am attending my church meetings. I have enrolled Cameron in preschool. I am keeping up with my home and falling into routines where the family is concerned. I feel as if we are finally back to normal. This is our new normal and I am blessed. I am grateful. And I am HAPPY.
Wanna know what makes me the happiest?
Cole asked me tonight when I thought I would feel happy about all of this...and I turned to him and looked him in the eye and said "I am happy. I thought I told you that." He then turned to me and told me that was important to him...and then later said he couldn't stop smiling because he finally knew that I was as happy as he is. And let me tell you...he has never been happier!
Again, I feel blessed!!!
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