Matters of the heart

Sometimes I don't even know where to start! I guess I will just pick a place and go with it...

Since returning from our trip a few weeks ago Cameron has really been struggling! It breaks my mom heart knowing that he is so sad and having such a hard time. I know I am biased but he really is a good kid...he's kind, considerate of others, so smart and sweet. He has a huge vocabulary and can express himself. Knowing this you can understand that when he woke up one day crying because he didn't want to go to school and when asked "why?" says "because" I wasn't quite sure how to move forward. I knew there had to be a reason other than "because". And even after telling him that because wasn't a good enough reason and that if he wanted to stay home he better come up with a better one he still cried and said because. When the time came that morning to get on the bus he ran away from the door and I had to carry him out to the bus and place him in his seat. I have never had to do this...not even on the first day of school. I was hoping that by putting my foot down he would see that it wasn't up for discussion. Well that happened on a Friday and the next Tuesday (his next day of school) he did the same thing! So I called the school. They tried to tell me that it was because he had been gone for so long and it would take him sometime to settle back in. First, he didn't do this the first three days of school that week which was the week he returned to school after vacation. He went three days without fits and then all of a sudden started the fits. Second, Cameron throws fits, but not like that! The school agreed to have Cameron teacher talk to him as well as the bus aide to see if they could get anything out of him. When he came home that day Cameron told me that a boy on his bus was hitting him and not sitting properly in his seat. That this child was leaning into Cameron and when Cameron would ask him to stop he wouldn't and would lean into him harder. I thanked Cameron for telling me and told him that now that I know what is happening I can help fix it. So that next morning I spoke to the bus aide, turns out Cameron told her the same thing and that she wasn't going to let them sit together anymore....I guess they have assigned seats based on when and where they are picked up. This child was reassigned to a different seat. Fast forward a few days and Cameron is very sad again, not throwing a fit but very sad when he gets on the bus and very sad when he gets home. This goes on a couple of days and finally Cameron tells me that this same child is calling him names. Cameron is the first pick up in the morning and the first to get off the bus in the afternoon. From what I've gathered, the other child is picked up second in the morning. I guess when he get on the bus he is calling Cameron "caught fish"....kind of a silly name but hurts Cameron feeling none the less. So I called the school AGAIN! I felt really bad calling about this same child again...but I felt worse for Cameron and the way it's making him feel. So the school was going to have this other child teacher talk to him to see if that may help stop the name calling. I've never had to deal with this sort of thing before! Cameron was thriving at school....he was always so very excited about going to school and would tell me all about his day when he got home. Not anymore! I'm hoping that once this little boy is no longer being mean that Cameron will be able to be excited about school again. It seems like such a silly thing to be sad about but Cameron is genuinely sad and it just breaks my heart!

Cole has been working sooooo much! 100 hours in the last two weeks. That makes for very long days at home for me. I'm feeling lost and unsettled! Joshua and I haven't been able to go to play dates because of the car situation and Cole's schedule. I'm not quite sure where I fit in and I'm really struggling with that. I guess it's easier for me to just isolate myself than to continue to put myself out there and not really know whether or not it's going anywhere! Ugg, we've been here for 8 months and I was feeling so good about it but the last couple of weeks have been really hard! Part of it is probably knowing that we are alone at Christmas! I am so excited about starting our own traditions and not being pulled in five hundred directions....but at the same time I am going to miss all the visiting with friends and family and the hustle and bustle of the holidays!

I'm sure these things will get better.