Our Mental Illness

Here is some information pertaining to the disorders Cole suffers from:

Bipolar disorder
Obsessive-compulsive disorder
Seasonal affective disorder

Cole's bipolar is bipolar 1. With bipolar 1 you cycle more frequently going from very depressed to mania in a matter of minutes several times a year rather than a few times a year with bipolar 2. Adding in the seasonal affective disorder makes matters worse by inducing more depression. the obsessive compulsive disorder or OCD just make the bipolar harder to treat causing increased anxiety and unrealistic doubts and fears.

We are blessed to have found a great psychiatrist. Although finding a treatment has been hard and trying on us all she has been patient with both Cole and I and for that I am thankful. The disorders Cole has are chronic and we will constantly be monitoring his medication and once the right fit is found he will feel better, although he will probably switch medications every couple of years as new medicine is developed and new treatment found.

Please don't think that this is a cry for sympathy, I know that most of you don't know Cole well enough to have known what I have been talking around for the last couple of months. Is it hard to see my husband hurt and sad, yes! Is it trying, yes! Do I want to give up, sometimes! BUT, I knew of Cole's disorders when I married him and I still married him. I have never once regretted that decision. What we have gone through has made me who I am and I know that we will both continue to grow through these trials. Each new medication is a trial; each new episode is a trial. I am more than ever thankful for my wonderful family, both my side and Cole's,for the listening ears they provide for each of us. I am also grateful for my Father in Heaven who also listens, who know what we are going through and who provides comfort and relief when it's needed.

Just Us

I was going to post pictures of our house all dressed up for Christmas. BUT the camera is in the car and we are experiencing freezing temperatures here in good ole' Southern Oregon!
So I guess a family update will have to suffice.

Cole is doing really well. I feel like our prayers have been answered and we are out of our limbo/downhill state. I see an end coming, not for good but at least some relief. For those of you who don't know Cole suffers from Bipolar, Seasonal Affective Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Please see tomorrows post for more information on these mental illnesses. In the meantime, he is doing great (I'm almost scared to say it....we've had a really bad fall/winter and I don't want to jinx it). In fact he's made such a turn around on the new doses of medication that the psychiatrist was thrilled and felt comfortable taking time off for the holidays.He finishes his third term of school last week. This last term was a huge challenge and I am so proud of him for sticking it out and making it through. He is looking forward to a couple of weeks off with Cameron and I.

Cameron has been practicing his new words....ALL THE TIME! It's almost as if he could sense that we were thinking about taking him in....he says baby, apple, ouch, and dog all the time...over and over and over again! He's pretty darn cute and is definantly the joy in my days. He's still obsessed with trains and now he's also obsessed with Santa and anything Christmas for that matter calling it all oho, oho (grandma tried to teach him ho ho ho....he does oho oho oho).

I am chugging along. Some days are easier than others. I am looking forward to January when the holidays are behind us and I can refocus my energy on weight-loss and health! I have taken up cross-stitching, I love it and have some big plans....hopefully I will finish my first big project in the next couple of months!

There you have it another short update on the Henderson's. I had big dreams of sending out Christmas cards but the half finished cards are sitting on my dresser and I have no desire to finish them! Sorry!

an old picture

This picture is my favorite picture of Cameron. It was taken a week after he was born. I found it among some other picture that I was sure were lost, I wanted to share.

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree....

Am I a terrible person if I don't put up a Christmas tree this year?

We keep all of our Christmas decorations in a closet in our garage. Well, this last summer, while I was having a garage sale I discovered a mouse/rat in this closet. I promptly had Cole set out some bait, and he ate it all. Then I had him set out some more bait, that was all eaten, too. Then it started to smell he/she dies somewhere in my garage. I hadn't had the nerve to open the closet door until the day after Thanksgiving, I was going to decorate with the rest of the world. RIGHT! I pulled the door open with all of the courage I would open up which wasn't enough because as soon as I saw the damage the door went flying shut and I was out out of the garage. No, the mouse/rat wasn't dead in front of the door but there were several things destroyed and proof in the form of dropping everywhere!

I was able to put most of our decorations into tubs last year, thank goodness. But the tree didn't fit, go figure, and I am not brave enough to survey the damage.

I think we will be tree-less. I've hung the stockings though, that counts, right?

Loving and Caring for Each Other

I read an amazing talk last Sunday by Richard N. Williams. He spoke at the 2006 BYU Womens Conference. Loving and Caring for Each Other brought much needed insight to me about my marriage. One thing Cole mentions on a semi-regular basis is that I get angry too quickly. This is something that I recognize as a problem and am more than willing to change it, but how?

This talk helped me to understand not only why I should abolish the anger but how to abolish the anger.

My favorite quote from this talk was originally said by President Hinckley:

"Selfishness is a destructive, gnawing, corrosive element in the lives of most of us. It lies at the root of much of the tension between parents and children.

"I am satisfied that a happy marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion. Selfishness so often is the basis of money problems. . . . Selfishness is at the root of adultery, the breaking of solemn and sacred covenants. . . . Selfishness is the antithesis of love."

I have this tendency to become very selfish when my needs aren't met. The most recent occurrence of my selfish behavior happened one Sunday morning as I was showering before waking Cameron up for church. Cole was having a very hard time and had been the whole weekend. I remember thinking why me? He hasn't helped me with such and such and he didn't do this or he did that. It was that same that the high council speaker spoke on such matters. He reminded me that I should let it go, it doesn't matter what he did or didn't do, if I hold that grudge I am worse than he is for not taking out the trash or for sleeping most of the day.

I am so thankful for personal revelation, I am thankful for those that prayerfully study and prepare talks so that we can learn and better ourselves. I am thankful for such a wonderful husband, even more thankful for the trials we endure together.

Our week in photos!

Cameron and I made some cookies on Saturday. By Sunday afternoon the whole 2 1/2 dozen were gone, and I am proud to say I am not to blame for this! Everyone loved our press-down sugar cookies except for me. For some reason they didn't taste as good as I remember them tasting, thank goodness! Cameron enjoyed pressing the sugar coated glass down on top of the spoonfuls of dough, in this picture he is redistributing the sprinkles.

On Friday we attempted a family photo shoot. This is my favorite pictures, however I can't send it in our Christmas cards because....all of our eyes are closed!!!!! I think this year will be another picture of JUST Cameron.

I set up my beautiful nativity Saturday night. I love love love my nativity and would keep it up all year if Cole would let me! Maybe he will, he seems to like it as much as I do this year. I was concerned about Cameron picking up the pieces and "dropping" them, so far he hasn't bothered them. I have the nativity sitting in our entry way. We did decorate a little more, but we haven't put up our tree yet.

We hope our friends and family are enjoying the holiday season that is upon us. We love you!

The Medford Oregon LDS Temple

Some of you have probably noticed the new picture I have on my side bar.

The picture (for those of you who don't know) is of the Medford, OR Temple. I am blessed to live just seconds from the Temple. Sometimes when we go for an evening drive we drive right by it. Cameron loves to drive by it and is always in awe. Just yesterday, we drove by and parked for a few minutes to admire the beauty. When we came home he saw a picture of the Temple that I took last winter when it snowed. He carried that picture around for several minutes before he noticed another picture of the Temple. It amazes me that at his age he recognizes how special the Temple is. Sometimes I wonder if he remembers being in the Temple with Cole and I when he was only 6 weeks old (that post is coming in just a couple of weeks....).

I just had to share. It's moments like these that I have to take a step back and recollect myself, isn't it funny how our kids do that to us. I am grateful to have such an innocent spirit in our home, grateful for the teaching moments and humbled by the affection.